Monday, January 18, 2010

Necessary Changes:


In March, I found myself very sick and had to stay home from work but felt better the next day concluding that my virus must have passed. Later that day I started to feel sick again and the nausea felt familiar-- so much so that, even though it was improbable, I felt the need to take not one pregnancy test but 4. I was PREGNANT! I was instantly flooded with so many thoughts and mixed emotions. I was shocked, unprepared, this was not in our plans. Our family was complete, right? WRONG.

Although I had accepted my new reality and was beginning to get excited I was still very concerned and overwhelmed. I had always been tripped up by a perfectionist mindset, caught up in what I expected from myself which was never less than 100%. I was accustom to nothing but fast-paced office life, and my personality demanded precision as I tackled projects. How was I going to accomplish everything I had placed on myself with a new baby. I was already having enormous difficulties scaling the cliffs of Super Mom Summit while juggling the demands of the workplace. Both jobs were incredibly demanding but I found my workplace consuming. Work got me when I was fresh and ready to go; my family got what was left of me which was not much. I was exhausted with nothing left to give.. And now a baby. I realized I was loosing who I was along with the priority of what means the most to me…My family. Long story short I had to let go of having it “all”, all at the same time.

My current job as a stay at home mom is not for everyone, I have to admit and have even thought in the past that it wasn‘t for me either. But this whole experience has really taught me so much. My kids and family have always been my top priority but my job was taking that away from me. I saw a quote about being a SAHM that really says a lot about the job: "The days are long, but the years are short." How true! My children are young for such a short time and I want to dedicate as much time as I can to raising them. This job has it’s moments. Some days my goal is just to take a shower or use the bathroom with the door shut. There are early hours, late hours and middle of the night hours. MANY days my laundry stack is taller than I am. And other days I am trying to figure out how to get squished unknowns out of a little blonde head of hair (Emma is truly a messy girl!). But I love my job. I would not trade it for anything.

This was not our plan initially. But through it all, Murry and I have found it encouraging to know God has a plan for the Smith’s too. In Jeremiah 29:11 the Lord said: "for I know the thoughts that I think towards you saith the lord thoughts of peace and not of evil to give you an expected end.'" He knows what our future holds and has and will continue to provide us with so many blessings. We simply open our eyes and hearts to recognize and appreciate them.

Pierce is a beautiful addition to our family and another added blessing. I benefit from being with the kids as much as they benefit from having me at home. I am determined to make sure that I am counting and acknowledging my blessings continually and hope that this blog will help (although I do not find producing written word to be one of my strengths)

I love being a stay at home mom because...I have learned to enjoy simple things all over again. Things like dolls, games, and silly TV shows like Yo Gabba Gabba, Dora, and Olivia . I never thought these shows would be riveting television for me. But, when I see my two-year-old's eyes light up at the sight of one of her favorite characters or hear her sing and respond to the characters, I enjoy it more than any "grown up" show.

I love being a stay at home mom because... I get to see all of my children's "firsts." I feel like I don’t have to miss a thing!

I love being a stay at home mom because... I don't have to deal with office politics. Around our house I mostly find inspiration in the kids. I have found more patience and joy in what I do…once again.

I am THANKFUL for this unplanned blessing.

1 comments:

Chasity said...

Welcome to the bloggy world. Being a SAHM is awesome and draining all at the same time. I would not change a thing....I do not want to miss a thing. I even homeschool, so I really never miss a thing. (not everyone is called to that though)
Your writing is beautiful...I like to read something like I am talking to a good friend...so you will do great.
Be blessed,
Chasity
The Fred blog is our family mascot and is a VERY behind blog....but you can find me here:
www.homeschoolblogger.com/chasity